At last, the new season gets under way with a host of intriguing friendlies, silly games in Asia for the elite and fascinating European games. One headline FootballCynic saw this week read "Newcastle will found it tough against Crewe". Now we all know things are bad at St James Park, but surely not that bad. On reading more carefully, it turns out that it is Newcastle Town that are lining up to play Crewe Alexandra. This reminds me of a cardboard sign that someone had erected next a signpost that showed Stoke 5 Newcastle 1. The caption was simply "If only".

Of course, the superstars from the bigger clubs will be getting their Berlitz guides as they prepare for tame contests against sides from far-flung corners of the world. Someone once suggested that clubs only undertake these tours to sell shirts, but surely it is to act as ambassadors of our game. FootballCynic once witnessed a Malaysia Under 23 XI lose 8-0 to Manchester United and the weirdest thing (besides seeing Barthez play up front) was that crowd cheered both teams. Strange, indeed.

Later in the week, it is the Europa League qualifiers. The most interesting sounding teams competing are probably Irtysh and Szombathely - they sound like something from the bible. However, Buducnost Podgorica sound interesting, if, perhaps, untalented, whilst Birkirkara v NK Slaven Koprivnica should only be spoken when not under the influence of alcohol. Below, you can see the new Newcastle United away strip, designed by someone from Sunderland - now, that is funny.