FootballCynic was approached by Manchester United to join their squad and add some much needed pep to their attack. Of course, FootballCynic was first called by Ferguson Junior and after a straightforward deal, where the only hiccup was a wrong digit for FootballCynic’s bank account, FootballCynic arrived for duty at Old Trafford. Of course, there was a refusal to talk to the BBC; there are always more important matters to get on with.

Everything seemed to be going well at first, but things started to go downhill when Sir Alex told the press that FootballCynic had looked very good in training when, in fact, he was injured. However, after the injury, Sir Alex started telling everyone that FootballCynic had an ankle injury when he didn’t. It was hard not to think that he was, perhaps, just going senile. Or, maybe, he had confused FootballCynic with those old ‘uns, Giggs and Scholes (or Scholesy as FootballCynic called him), who must have plenty of injuries at their age.

The lad Rooney was friendly enough, but it was hard to stop wondering where his brain is located. “It’s in his feet”, one team-mate quipped while another thought he either had no brain or it was located elsewhere, but it was most definitely not in his head.

It’s all very wearing at Old Trafford, to be honest. FootballCynic has now had enough and has returned to turning his attention to running the FootballCynic Corporation. And, the ankles are still absolutely fine despite what you may hear.