What do Manchester City do about Carlos Tevez? After the misunderstanding, generous offers have come in from Limavady United, who compete in second division of the Northern Ireland League, and West Ham United of the Conference South.

The offer from Limavady United came from vice chairman, David Brewster, and effectively offered to take the Argentinian off their hands for the season so that he could keep match fit. If Mr Tevez had bothered to visit the club’s website, he would have discovered some interesting facts. The club was founded in 0, the number of fans totals 0, the club plays in the Premiership (?), and the manager is blank. Their latest result appears to be a 3-1 win over Clifton on 26th April; the previous result was a 3-1 defeat at the hands of Malachians on 12th December. So, it would seem, there’s not much scope to keep match fit there.

As for West Ham United’s offer, it would seem that Javier Mascherano ought to be there too. FootballCynic has offered him a role as a roving journalist, but there is a worry he would sit in the press box and refuse to write anything. Now, where’s the offer from Pease Pottage Village to really tempt the wayward Argentinian?

Below, Tevez and Mascherano practise their 16 times table.